Kingdom Hearts in the Pagemaster
by Drakena the Destroyer
Summary: Parody of the Pagemaster. Roxas is socially awkward and always afraid of things. Yet a fateful trip to a strange library will make him see things from a whole new perspective. Kingdom Hearts c Square Enix and Disney. Page Master c 20th Century Fox.
1. Meet Roxas

**Title: **Kingdom Hearts in the Pagemaster

**Rating:** T for course language and some violence

**Genre:** Parody/Humor

**Character Focus:** Roxas and DiZ

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are copyright Square Enix and Disney. The Pagemaster is copyright to 20th Century Fox.

**Note:** I always wanted to do this, the _Pagemaster_ is a film that loved to watch as a child, but now I really have to make the cast of Kingdom Hearts suffer in a parody of it. Even though some people said the the film was awful, I thought it was okay for an animated film.

* * *

_Chapter 1: Meet Roxas_

It was a stormy night in Twilight Town, and Roxas was very agitated by the thunder and lightning. Climbing out of his bed, he tip toed to the window and peered through the blinds. The sky was dark and cloudy, the wind howled, there was a flash of lightning with a boom of thunder.

Roxas gasped and jumped back from the window. He shuddered for a few seconds, then he tip toed outside his bedroom door. Quietly walking down the hall to his parents room, Roxas stopped to hear the voices speaking behind the door.

Listening to his parents talk, Roxas realized that they were talking about him. They had been speaking about Roxas' paranoid behavior over every single thing from getting poisoned by eating pesticide toxins in apples to getting seriously injured in Struggle. There was even mention of the treehouse being built in the tree that Roxas refused to climb.

Bowing his head, Roxas knew that he had been worrying his parents because he was worrying over everything. He couldn't help but be cautious over the things he did and avoid doing things that he thought were risky.

With a sigh, Roxas walked back to his room, sensing that his parents were both disappointed in him. As he entered his room, another flash of lightning occurred. With a gasp of surprise, Roxas jumped into bed and hid under the covers.

* * *

The next morning, Roxas was helping his father build the tree house. Refusing to climb the ladder to avoid any accidents, Roxas used a pulley to send a bucket of tools to his father in the tree house. However, Roxas' father hit his head and fell from the tree, luckily there was no injury. After the little accident, Roxas was sent to the hardware store to pick up more nails.

Being the overly cautious type, Roxas geared up with a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, and a bright orange vest as he rode his skateboard down the road. As he went further down the road, he saw Seifer, Fuu, and Rai. They were occupied jumping their skateboards off the ramp and doing other tricks.

"Hey look," said Seifer, "it's that little pussy Roxas with all of his safety gear!"

"He's such a wuss, ya know," said Rai.

"Yeah," said Fuu.

"Hey Roxas," shouted Seifer, "why don't you give the ramp a try? You probably might just fall!"

Roxas, not really wanting to deal with Seifer, turned around and rolled away on his skateboard.

"What's the matter you chicken?" Seifer and his gang burst out in a fit of laughter at Roxas' retreat.

While getting as far as possible from Seifer, Roxas noticed that the sky was turning dark and gloomy. The storm from last night was starting up again, the wind stirring, lightning flashing. One bolt struck the nearest electric pole, causing Roxas to nearly jump off his skateboard. As fast as he could, he skated through a dark tunnel, trying to find shelter on the other side. The wind was getting worse and there was rain.

Being blinded by the wind and rain in his face, Roxas lost control over his skateboard and crashed into a tree. He fell hard on his back.

"Oh shit," he grunted. Roxas sat up and removed his helmet, running a hand through his spiky blonde hair. "No head injury, thank God." Removing the rest of his safety gear, Roxas ran into a nearby building, a large, spooky looking library.

_To be continued...

* * *

_

**End Note: **So that was chapter 1 of this crazy parody. If you wish for me to continue, it'll be a pleasure. I'm having bad writer's block with my other two stories in progress, so I am just writing this whenever I do get bad block.


	2. The Library

**Note:** I'm continuing this anyway weather anyone cares or not, I'm bored and I've got to get this out of my mind before I go crazy. The previous chapter was very brief, but I just wanted to skip the chatter between Roxas and his parents.

* * *

_Chapter 2: The Library_

Roxas ran up the stairs to the massive double doors made of wood and carved with elaborate patterns. He opened them and rushed inside the building to get out of the rain. Once inside, Roxas found himself standing on a marble tiled floor and around him were shelves of books that reached up toward the high ceiling.

Roxas heard footsteps and the squeaking of wheels. Coming towards him was a strange man wearing a weird robe and red wrappings around his face, pushing a cart loaded with books. The man stopped and left his cart to approach Roxas.

"You," said the man in a deep voice, "you're probably here to check out the fantasy tales." He got closer. "Brave knights, fearsome dragons, delightful faeries!" He clamped one hand on Roxas' shoulder. "Of course, adventure, you must be the sort who loves adventure! The high seas, blood thirsty pirates, and great beasts of the deep."

Staring bug-eyed at the man, Roxas took a step back. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable around this weird man.

"Horror," the man said in a low whisper, "you must check out the horror tales. Haunted houses, monsters, ghosts, and grave yards." The man appeared to smile slyly under his wrappings. "Yes, it's horror for you boy."

"Um," started Roxas nervously, "I'm not really hear to check out any books." He realized that his hair and clothes were still dripping with rain water. "I just came in because of the storm."

"Oh," said the man, "I see."

"Is there a phone here?" asked Roxas. "I just have to call my parents and let them know I'm alright."

"Yes, there is one beyond the fiction section of the library. Before you do use the phone, can I see your library card?"

"I don't have a library card," said Roxas.

"You do now," said the librarian, whipping out a blank library card. "Just sign your name on it and it's yours." He handed Roxas the card and a pen, Roxas signed the card. "Your library card is your passport to other worlds by a turn of the page."

"Thanks," said Roxas, pocketing his library card and walking toward where the phone was.

"Just remember," said the librarian, "if you get lost, look for the exit sign just above the door." He pointed to a sign labeled EXIT in glowing green letters.

Roxas only glanced at the sign just as he ventured down deeper into the library. When he reached the center of the library, he stopped on the compass design on the tiled floor and stared up at the painted domed ceiling. There were five paintings on the ceiling, each showing different characters. One picture was of an armored knight about to fight a large Heartless dragon. Another was of a young man with shoulder length hair casting a shadow of a more beastly shape. The third was of an old man in a row boat about to throw a harpoon at a gigantic whale. The fourth picture was of a group of pirates, the captain looked like a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out. In the center was of an old man with his silvery hair flowing to his shoulders, a short beard and wore a blue scarf and white long coat.

Unaware that his clothes were still dripping, Roxas took a step and slipped on the water. He fell and bumped his head. Groaning, he sat up rubbing the spot where his head was hit, then something happened.

Globs of paint were dripping from the ceiling, Roxas looked up and saw that the paintings were melting. The paint drops got on his jacket, and Roxas pulled it off and ran down an aisle of book shelves. The paint began pouring down, then it warped into a dragon shape and began chasing him.

Turning every corner he could find, Roxas tried to keep ahead of the mass of paint. He found himself back to the center of the library. The paint surrounded him, then it consumed him.

"Oh shit," gasped Roxas as the paint closed in on him.

* * *

When things settled down, Roxas looked at his hands, realizing that he was now a two-dimensional animation instead of the three-dimensional.

"Oh my God," he said, "I'm a cartoon!" (I'm well aware that he's already animated, but try thinking of CGI animation converted to classic 2-D animation.)

"You are an illustration," said the old man from the central painting as he approached Roxas.

"Who are you?"

"The Pagemaster, keeper of the books." He waved his hand at the book shelves. "Fiction, a place where all is possible."

"You're the guy from up there," said Roxas, pointing to the ceiling. "Where are the others?"

"They're here, all around us."

"Uh, how do I get out of here?"

"To the exit," the Pagemaster said. "It will be a long journey, and it starts with a turn of the page." A book cart rolled down the aisle, slamming Roxas onto the top, then it kept rolling with Roxas holding on. "If you get lost, look to the books. To get home, you must face the challenges of horror, adventure and fantasy."

Roxas, holding on to the roll away cart, let out a yelp as the cart crashed into the pay phone.

_To be continued...

* * *

_

**End Note: ** Now Roxas is in the library and is going to begin his journey in the world of books. Again, this is kind of rushed, but I tried to keep as faithful as possible to the film. Oh yeah, expect a lot of Square Enix and Disney characters appearing in this. You can probably guess who will appear based on the ceiling pictures. Yes, DiZ is the librarian and Ansem the Wise is the Pagemaster, if you thought Christopher Lloyd was scary in that film, then Christopher Lee's voice would be even scarier.


	3. The Three Books

_Chapter 3: The Three Books_

Groaning as he sat up, Roxas struggled out of the pile of books that had toppled on him. Beside his left ear, the phone was dangling on its wire, the only thing he could hear was the recorded phone service and static.

"Who are you?" asked a harsh voice. A short sword was held at Roxas's throat. "Are you fiction or non-fiction?" The speaker was a brown haired boy in a brown book costume, over one eye was a black patch, he wore a black boot on one foot, a peg leg strapped to his other, one hand held a sword and the other had a hook.

"What the fuck?" asked Roxas, feeling puzzled.

"Well, are you a book?"

"Uh... no."

"Then what are you?"

"I'm just a visitor," Roxas showed his library card to the book-boy.

"Oh, I didn't know you were a customer. I'm Adventure, at your service."

"I'm Roxas. Look, I just need to get out of this place. Do you know the way out?"

"Through the exit of course," replied Adventure, "you just have to look for it."

Roxas looked around, he could not see the exit sign. There were so many book shelves around him that he had to walk around them to get a better look.

"You seem lost," said Adventure. "Usually when you get lost you just have to look to the books." He pointed to a book. "Ah, how about _20, 000 Leagues Under the Sea_?" He handed it to Roxas.

Opening the book, Roxas came across a picture of a large squid. Then without warning, the squid came to life and emerged from the book, also flooding the library. Slimy green tentacles began to writhe around the two.

"Oh shit," cried Roxas, "a giant squid!" He and Adventure climbed up a nearby ladder to the top of the book shelf, avoiding the large tentacles that reached for them. Once he reached the top, Roxas stumbled and fell on the other side. He fell onto another pile of books.

"Hey," said a new voice, "get off of me!" Roxas got up to see that he fell on a dark haired girl in a pink book costume. In addition to her costume was a pink skirt, pixie wings, a wand, pantyhose and sparkling slippers.

"Why the Hell did you land on me like that?" The pink book girl asked as she stood up.

"Uh... I'm Roxas. Who are you?"

"I'm Fantasy," the pink book girl said. She cleared her throat and spoke in a sweeter tone. "I'm Fantasy. What's this?" She picked up Roxas' library card.

"That's my library card," said Roxas.

"I can read," said Fantasy.

"Are you alright?" asked Adventure, climbing down from the shelf.

"Yeah," said Roxas.

"You know this short story?" asked Fantasy.

"He's Adventure."

"I'm a classic," said Adventure.

"Uh huh, a classic misprint," said Fantasy.

"Look," said Roxas, "I really just want to get out of here and go home."

"I could help," said Fantasy, she waved her wand but only a farting noise was made. "Damn, my wand doesn't work outside the fantasy section. I was shelved in the wrong place."

"Here, I'll find something," said Adventure. He picked up a book. "_Tarzan of the Apes_."

Roxas opened up the book, only to scream when a leopard popped out of the pages, snarling and flashing its fangs. Scared nearly out of his skin, Roxas slammed the book closed and tossed it to the floor.

"Run!" Roxas screamed as he, Fantasy and Adventure ran down the aisle of book shelves. Behind them the leopard jumped out of the book and began chasing them.

"Bad kitty!" shouted Adventure as they dived into large gap in one shelf and the leopard missed pouncing on them.

They found themselves in a spooky cemetery scene, there were twisted looking trees and grave markers everywhere in the misty scene. It reminded Roxas of Halloween Town. On the hill was a tall and dark haunted house.

"Where are we?" asked Roxas.

"In the horror section," said Adventure.

"Oh look," said Fantasy, "the exit sign is just beyond that big house." They could see the glowing green exit sign far away in the sky.

"Excellent, we just have to go through the horror section."

"You mean we have to go through that haunted house?" asked Roxas nervously.

"It would be a breeze," said Adventure.

They approached the haunted house, the three climbed up the front steps to meet with the large door and a rope to sound the bell.

"Go ahead," said Fantasy, "ring the bell."

Roxas gave the rope a firm tug, causing the bell to ring. Then, another weird book character fell from the roof of the house, right on top of Roxas.

"Oh my God," said the newcomer, "I'm so sorry to fall on you." He stood up to show that he was a black haired, round faced boy in a green book costume that looked rather ragged.

"He's funny," said Fantasy with a giggle.

"No big deal," said Roxas, getting up.

"I'm Horror," said the green book boy. He held out his hand to Roxas.

"Roxas," said Roxas as he held out his hand to Horror. But Roxas winced at the sight of a spider on Horror's arm. Horror snatched the spider and clamped it in his pages. The two then shook hands.

"Okay," said Adventure, "meeting time's over, let's get through the house and get to that exit sign."

"Wait," said Horror, "only God knows what lies beyond that door! Things that would haunt your deepest nightmares! Endings in horror are only sad!"

"Don't worry," said Fantasy, "I'm from a place of happy endings. Come with us. Whatever is in that house, we can face it together."

"Yeah," said Roxas, nervously nudging the door open. "Just stay close, I'd hate for something bad to happen."

So they all entered into the dark despairing gloom of the haunted house.

_To be continued...

* * *

_

**End Note: ** Yeah, that was also rushed. Again, I try to follow the plot of the film, I just make a few changes so it would be possible for the Disney and Square Enix characters to appear. Such as when I referred to the Tarzan story and used the leopard from the Deep Jungle level from the first game to chase the characters into the horror section.


	4. The Horror, the Horror!

_Chapter 4: The Horror, the Horror!_

They tip toed into the dark vast halls of the massive house, the wooden floor boards creaked under their feet. Lining the walls were vases that held only withered flowers and gargoyle statues.

Flying down from a sculpture above the door was a big black raven. Roxas and his new friends ducked as the ominous bird swooped.

"Nevermore!" squawked the raven before it disappeared from sight.

"This place gives me the chills," said Roxas. Then the door slammed behind them.

"Damn it!" cried Horror as he grasped the door knob. He pulled with all his might, only to yank off the door knob and sent it rolling down the hall. The knob stopped at the foot of a man approaching them.

"Uh... hello," started Fantasy.

"Who are you?" asked Roxas.

"I am the master of this house," said the man, he held up the golden candlestick with three candles up so they could see his face. Roxas recognized the man with shoulder length brown hair from one of the ceiling pictures.

"I'm Roxas, this is Adventure, Fantasy, and Horror." Roxas indicated to each of his friends.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all," said the young man, "but I must warn you that there is danger everywhere in this house."

"What kind of danger?"

"Please follow me." He led the group through a large room that had large chairs in front of a fire place, then they entered what looked like a dining room, the long table set with chairs and dishes.

"There are many evils in this world," said the man as he put the candlestick down on the table. "Evil can take on so many different forms." He picked up a wine bottle that was on the table. "I just got this wine recently, I have yet to try it. Does anyone care for a drink?"

"No thanks," said Roxas.

"I'll pass," said Fantasy.

"I'd like a drink," said Adventure.

The man poured the rich violet wine into a glass for himself and one for Adventure. "Cheers," he said, clanking glasses with Adventure.

"Hey," said Adventure, trying to wave off Horror, "no touch, this is mine!"

"Come on, can't I have a sip?" Horror, reaching eagerly caused Adventure to drop his glass. The wine spilled onto the floor, then the liquid sizzled and bubbled as it ate through the wooden floor boards.

"Damn it!" cried Adventure angrily at Horror.

"Oh my God!" gasped Fantasy at the sight of the hole in the floor.

"Don't drink it!" shouted Roxas to warn the man, but he was too late. The man had drank the ominous liquid.

After gulping the last drop, the man smashed his glass onto the floor, shattering it into little shards. Then, the man bent over as if in pain, he grasped Roxas's arm. Roxas yelped as he saw hair sprouting on the man's hand.

Backing away from the man, Roxas watched in terror as the man hid his face in his hairy hands and changed even more. The man was covered in what looked like brown fur, the man began to increase in bulk, causing his shirt to rip.

"Are you all right, sir?" asked Fantasy with concern.

"I am," the young man started, then he removed his large furry hands from his face, "the Beast!" His face was more animal like, steaming nostrils, bared fangs, and horns on top of his head.

The group screamed as the Beast approached them, the Beast smashed the glassware on the table with a clawed hand and roared. As the Beast got closer to the group, Horror jumped onto the table and swung the chandelier at the Beast. Being struck by surprise, the Beast stumbled into the hole made by spilt wine. The chandelier crashed to the floor along with the rope that held it up.

As they ran for the nearest exit, Horror tripped on the chandelier cord and realized that he was being dragged back by the Beast, who was clawing his way back out of the hole.

"Help!" screamed Horror.

Roxas, realizing that he couldn't leave anyone behind, decided to quickly help Horror out and then escape with Adventure and Fantasy. They ran up the stair case, there were books lining the walls, and out of the books came Search Ghosts Heartless.

"What are they?"

"Ghost stories," said Horror.

They made it too a balcony where a skeleton was still bound in shackles. Roxas slammed the doors shut behind him and used a bone to bar the doors.

"Quick," said Adventure, "we'll climb down this way." He climbed down over the ledge of the balcony and down a series of ledges that resembled books. Horror and Fantasy followed, but Roxas hesitated.

"Come on," said Fantasy. "It's safe."

"Oh God," said Roxas as he took the first step down. He grabbed a vine to steady his descent. His hand slipped, but he grabbed tighter as he regained footing on the ledges.

"Well done," said Adventure as Roxas reached the bottom. Roxas could only sigh with relief as he and his companions approached the shores to the ocean.

_To be continued...

* * *

_

**End Note: ** That was the horror scene, I thought that the Beast from Beauty and the Beast would be suitable for it since I could use both his human and beast forms for the Jekyll/Hyde moment. Yeah, the next will be the Moby Dick scene, and guess which Disney characters appear there.


	5. Did You See It?

**Chapter 5: Did you see it?

* * *

**

They all got into the row boat that was on the shore, they all seemed relieved to get out of the horror section. Taking the oars, Roxas rowed the boat out to sea while Adventure sat in the seat at the bow while Fantasy and Horror occupied in the seat at the stern.

"The smell of the open sea," said Adventure, "it's refreshing, I know the book of sailing, I've written the book of sailing, I am the book of sailing."

"I just want to get across this and reach the exit," said Roxas, sighting the exit over his shoulder.

Once the shore was out of sight, Roxas and his companions saw another row boat coming alongside them. Standing in the bow of the boat was an old man with bushy grey hair, white shirt, brown trousers, glasses, and holding a long razor sharp harpoon. Behind the old man, manning the oars, was a wooden boy wearing a similar set of clothes and a feather cap. The old man shielded his eyes from the sun with his free hand as he glared out towards the open water.

"Why would an old man and a wooden boy be out at sea?" asked Roxas.

"They seem to be looking for something," said Fantasy.

"It's Gepetto and Pinocchio," said Adventure.

"Did you see it?" asked Gepetto, not even glancing at Roxas' little group.

"See what?" asked Roxas, feeling very confused, yet there was that ominous chill in the air.

"The mighty monster of the deep," whispered Adventure, "the whale of a whale, Monstro!" Roxas and the others shuddered at the mention of the name.

The waves began to stir, rocking the boats. Then, there was something huge coming up from the depths.

"There she blows!" shouted Gepetto, pointing out to the waves.

"He's crazy," said Horror.

"He's obsessed," said Fantasy.

"He's mad," said Roxas.

"He's my type of guy," said Adventure with a chuckle.

There was a blast of water in the air, as if blown. A gigantic grey whale burst out of the water, then it slammed into the boats, crushing them in one bite.

Roxas fell into the water, he was battered by the waves created by Monstro. Swimming back to the surface as quick as he could, Roxas had to get air. As his head poked above the water, he paddled through the choppy water toward a floating piece of driftwood.

Climbing on top of the driftwood, Roxas panted heavily and collapsed from exhaustion. When things had settled down, Adventure climbed onto the driftwood next to Roxas.

"Thank God that you're alright," said Adventure.

"Yeah," said Roxas. "Where's Horror and Fantasy?"

"Oh," said Adventure, "I'm afraid that they are lost."

"Damn."

_To be continued..._


	6. A Ship with Black Sails

**Chapter 6: A Ship with Black Sails**

Roxas and Adventure were drifting out at sea, mourning for Horror and Fantasy. The fog was setting over the water and the sky was turning dark. They had to be drifting for hours until they saw a big fin breaking the surface and circling the boat.

"Oh shit," cried Roxas, "a shark!"

"A big shark," gulped Adventure.

When they thought that they would be shark food, a row boat came through the mist. Seated in the boat were two people, their faces masked by the mist.

"A boat," said Roxas. "Hey, over here! Please help us!" He waved his arms to get the attention from the people in the boat.

The boat got closer to Roxas, rough hands grabbed at him and pulled him in. Roxas got a better look at the people in the boat. One was a lanky man with limp hair and a wooden eye, the other was a shorter, husky man with a bad sunburn.

"This is the only catch so far," said the later.

"Uh," started Roxas, "have you seen two others like my friend?"

The lanky man pulled Adventure into the boat, then pulled out a long pistol. He aimed it on Roxas and Adventure.

"Funny pair of prisoners, aren't they?" he said with a crooked smirk, leering with both his good eye and wooden eye.

"Lets take them to the captain," the sunburnt man said.

Roxas and and Adventure remained silent as the men rowed the boat through the mist. They approached a tall ship with black sails, at the top of the mast was a flag featuring the skull and cross-swords, which meant that Roxas and Adventure were caught by pirates.

They found themselves on board the mighty ship, surrounded by even more pirates. The pirates surrounded them and pointed swords, knives and pistols. Roxas was seized from behind by the sunburnt man, Adventure was seized by the wooden eyed pirate.

As a blade was held to Roxas' throat, something scurried past his foot. He saw that it was a small monkey in a white shirt and red vest. The small monkey leapt and climbed onto the shoulder of a man who had his back to Roxas.

"Captain Barbosa," said the sunburnt pirate, "do you want me to cut this whelp open and see the color of his insides?"

"They're red!" cried out Roxas, not wanting to be cut by the blade.

The captain chuckled wickedly and turned around to face Roxas. Captain Barbosa wore a vest, high boots, long coat, and a wide hat over his sinister face, the monkey was perched on his shoulder.

"You've got some nerve lad," the captain said. "Perhaps we can make some use of you and we'll spare your lives if you cooperate."

"Alright," said Roxas, realizing that cooperation was the only option of survival.

"Land ahoy!" shouted a man on the crow's nest.

"There it is!" Barbosa hissed with glee as he spied through his spy glass. "Treasure Island!"

Roxas looked at the horizon, there was an island covered with vegetation with a rock formation in the center that resembled a skull.

They approached the island in rowboats, Roxas and Adventure were tied by a long rope around their waists to prevent escape. Barbosa lead the way through the jungle while Roxas and Adventure were forced to follow at sword point.

"Soon we'll all get that treasure that will last us a life time," said the sunburnt man.

"Where is that map?" demanded Barbosa.

"I've got it," said the wooden eyed man. "It says that the treasure is in the middle by the water fall." He tapped at the directions and the illustration on the map.

"No," said the sunburnt man, "it's east by some broccoli." He grabbed the map and rotated it to one side.

"Give me that!" shouted Barbosa, snatching the map. "You fools! The treasure is west by some trees!" He charged through the jungle, the crew quickly followed, leading Roxas and Adventure.

As they approached the area, the wooden eyed man tripped over a skeleton.

"This place is cursed!" he cried as he jumped up.

"Look how the body is laid out," said the sunburnt man, "it's not natural!"

Roxas said nothing but stared at the grotesque skeleton and gulped nervously.

"Silence you scurvy rats," snarled Barbosa. "We're here! Bring the boy, he'll be digging if he wishes his life to be spared."

The crew roughly shoved Roxas towards where the Captain was pointing. Roxas saw tall trees covered in vines and a wide space of sand where the treasure was buried.

"Dig," said Barbosa, "or you'll be lying next to that unfortunate dog." Roxas quickly dug through the sand, realizing that Barbosa meant the skeleton.

After digging, the chest was uncovered. The pirates leapt upon the chest, forcing Roxas back. As they greedily opened the chest, they gasped when they saw the chest was empty.

Angry, they drew their swords and pistols on their captain, ready to commit mutiny.

"You brought us here for nothing!" shouted one crewman.

"You dare commit mutiny against Barbosa?" roared the Captain. Barbosa drew out his own pistol and sword.

"_Fifteen men on the dead man's stomach_," sang a voice in the trees.

"Chest! Chest!" corrected the crewmen nervously.

"_Chest, chest_," continued the voice, "_yo ho ho and a bottle of rum_!"

"This place be haunted here by evil spirits," cried the wooden eyed man.

"Adventure," whispered Roxas, "that voice in the trees sounds familiar."

"Yeah," said Adventure.

Jumping down was Horror, landing on two of the men. Quickly standing up, Horror then tossed sticks and cocoanuts at the men still standing. The pirates then ran after Horror, their attention off Barbosa, Roxas and Adventure.

"Yoo hoo," said Fantasy. The sunburnt man ran towards her, but he tripped over a vine that Horror pulled tight.

"It's Horror and Fantasy," said Roxas, "they survived."

"Let's help them," said Adventure. As they were about to run, Barbosa held his blade to Roxas' throat. The monkey jumped on Adventure.

"You won't be going anywhere boy!" sneered the wicked Captain. Just then, a cocoanut crashed into Barbosa's face and another hit the monkey.

"Horror," shouted Roxas, "look out behind you!"

Horror turned around to see the wooden eyed man running at him. Horror ran past Roxas and Adventure, using the rope that still bound them, they knocked over the wooden eyed man. After the pirates were knocked out, Fantasy arrived and Barbosa was getting to his feet.

"The sword," Fantasy said, "pick up the sword."

Roxas grabbed the sword and pointed it at Barbosa. "Get back," he shouted.

"Put it down," growled Barbosa. "You could poke an eye out with that lad."

"I said get back," said Roxas with more of an edge.

"As you wish." Barbosa summoned the monkey to his shoulder. "You just pray that we don't meet again." He backed off towards the boat and rowed off.

Roxas dropped the sword and untied himself and Adventure.

"We thought that you and Horror were goners," he said.

"That's what we thought too," said Fantasy, "but Horror found out he could float."

"I'm hollow," said Horror with a laugh.

_To be continued..._


	7. Whatever You Imagine

_Note: _ Yeah, I am just working on this spoof out of boredom and while I am unable to brew up ideas for my more serious work. Anyway, for the Fantasy world, I'm going to skip the bit with _Gulliver's Travels_, it was nothing more but a Big-Lipped-Alligator-Moment in the original film.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Whatever you Imagine**

Even though they were able to drive off the pirates, Roxas was still in a gloom. He sat on the beach and wrote "EXIT" in the sand with a stick.

"Why so down?" asked Fantasy.

"I lost my library card," said Roxas, "I'll never get home." The next wave came in and washed away the word in the sand.

"Oh don't be that way. We'll find a solution to get you home."

While walking on the beach, Adventure stepped on a piece of paper. He tried to shake it off, but the paper turned out to be Roxas' library card.

"Hey," said Adventure, "I found you're library card!"

"Gee, thanks," said Roxas, taking his card back and placing it in his pocket.

"Look," said Fantasy, "my wand is shooting flares." She held up her wand to show it flaring. "That means we're close to the fantasy section!"

"Are you sure that it will work?" asked Roxas.

Fantasy flicked her wand at Adventure, all of a sudden Adventure was wearing a frilly pink dress with a wig of blonde curls.

"Fuck!" Adventure flung off his ridiculous get up while Horror laughed.

The four of them entered the fantasy world, an enchanting looking landscape of forests and meadows. In the center of the land was a great mountain. At the very top of the mountain was the EXIT sign.

"The Exit!" cried Roxas. "Let's go."

They raced to the exit, along the way they saw the most bizarre things. Flying above them was a boy in green tights with a tiny blonde pixie. Another was a goat man playing the pan flute. As the group travelled further to the mountain, they climbed over a huge mound.

"We just have to climb that mountain," said Roxas.

"It will be a long climb," said Adventure. When he stuck his sword in the ground to lean on, the mound began to vibrate.

"Earthquake!" shouted Horror.

All of them except Roxas scrambled off the mound. The ground broke away and Roxas found himself stuck on top of a Storm Rider Heartless. All what he could do was hold on to the beast's horn to keep from falling to his death.

"Oh no," said Fantasy, "we have to help Roxas. Horror, go to page 101!" Horror scanned through Fantasy's pages until he found the number.

"Arabian Nights?" asked Horror.

"That's the one." When the page was ripped out, Fantasy changed the page into a magic carpet.

"Get the boy," she commanded. The carpet flew off to help Roxas.

Holding on for dear life, Roxas noticed the carpet flying next to the Storm Rider. When the carpet was in jumping range, Roxas leapt onto the carpet and flew down to collect Horror, Adventure, and Fantasy.

As they flew to the mountain, the Storm Rider gave chase. The Heartless blasted energy bolts at them, attempting to take them out of the air.

"Do something," said Roxas. Evading the attacks were becoming difficult.

"Let's see," said Fantasy, raising her wand. Horror accidentally nudged her, causing Fantasy to drop her wand and the Storm Rider gobbled it.

"Oh boy," she said, "I really hoped that wouldn't happen."

Then an energy bolt hit the carpet, causing it to crash in the mountain side. As they climbed up the rocks to find a cave to hide in, Roxas found the frozen body of a fallen knight, armed with a helm, shield and keyblade. With the Storm Rider closing in, Roxas got a brilliant but crazy idea.

"What's he doing?" asked Horror.

"He's going to gear up to fight!" said Fantasy.

"That a boy!" said Adventure.

Roxas first removed the helmet, finding that the knight closely resembled him with blonde hair and blue eyes frozen wide open. After the little shock, Roxas put the helmet on his own head. He then yanked the shield off the knight's frozen arm and picked the keyblade from where it lay next to its former master.

The Storm Rider went after Adventure, Fantasy and Horror, causing them to retreat into a cave. Roxas climbed up the rocks and began to slash at the Heartless with the keyblade.

"Look out for the tail!" cried Fantasy.

It was too late, the tail of the Heartless wrapped around Roxas, shaking him until he lost his equipment. The creature eyed Roxas, then it gobbled him whole.

"Oh no," said Horror, hiding his face with his hands.

"It's up to me," said Adventure. He swung his sword for some practice cuts. "I'll take care of it."

"Be careful," said Fantasy.

Without warning, Adventure embraced Fantasy into a passionate kiss. Horror turned away to hide his laughter.

"How would you like to cuddle up with a good book?" asked Adventure. He was answered by being thrown out of the cave.

"In your dreams!" scolded Fantasy, adjusting her pantyhose and turning into the cave with a huff.

Adventure stood up, holding up his sword for combat. The Storm Rider loomed over him, charging up with energy. Adventure was too late to turn around. After getting fried, Adventure staggered back into the cave and fainted.

Meanwhile, in the belly of the Heartless, Roxas found himself surrounded by darkness. He felt something sharp in his back side, he picked it up to find Fantasy's wand. He swung it around, hoping it would help him escape, it only made a farting sound.

"Damn," said Roxas, placing the wand in his jacket pocket. "How the hell should I get out of here?"

_"Look to the books,"_ a ghostly voice whispered.

"The books," said Roxas as he stumbled on a pile of books, finding it weird that a Heartless would eat books. He picked one up. "Hmm... _Alice in Wonderland_." He opened it to find the Queen of Hearts emerging from the pages.

"Off with his head!" the Queen screamed. Roxas slammed the book shut and tossed it away.

After he searched through the books, he found one that would help.

"_Jack and the Beanstalk_," he said with relief. He opened the book and out grew a giant beanstalk. Roxas jumped on the growing plant as it grew out of the Storm Rider's mouth.

"Get on!" said Roxas. "This sucker will take us to the top!" Horror, Adventure, and Fantasy jumped onto the growing beanstalk. When they neared the top, the Storm Rider was chomping on the beanstalk, they quickly jumped to the ledge before the beanstalk collapsed.

_To be continued..._


	8. Return Home

**Chapter 8: The Return Home**

Roxas, Adventure, Horror, and Fantasy went into the cave, away from the Storm Rider. Inside the cave was this glowing and spinning vortex. Coming out of the shadows was the Page Master.

"Well done, boy," said the Page Master.

As Adventure, Horror, and Fantasy bowed, Roxas clenched his fists.

"You," he said, "you're the one who did this to me!"

"Watch what you say," said Fantasy, "he's the Page Master!"

"I know who he is!" Roxas flung up his arms as he ranted on. "He put me through so much agony! I was nearly torn to shreds by a nasty beast, made a slave by a bunch of stinking pirates, and eaten! Got that? Eaten, by a big ugly Heartless! I've been tossed, squashed, and frightened beyond reason! I'm so pissed off right now."

"I understand," said the Page Master calmly. "Yet, how did you feel when you faced all of the obstacles?"

"I don't know," said Roxas with a groan. "I just want this to be over!"

"Look," the Page Master said, pointing to the vortex.

The first image in the vortex was the Beast, snarling and growling. The Beast morphed back into a human.

"You faced the deepest of evils," the man said softly.

The imaged morphed into Gepetto holding a harpoon.

"You looked Monstro right in the eye, boy," he said before morphing into Captain Barbosa and that nasty monkey.

"You've had nerves to take a stand," he said. Barbosa faded and the huge Storm Rider appeared, flapping its wings.

"What was that about?" asked Roxas.

"Think, boy, think!" said the Page Master. "If I had not sent you into the worlds of the pages, you would never learn to conquer your fears!"

"I guess you're right." Roxas shrugged. "Can I... uh.. we go home now?"

"Yes, come see the path you need to take to get back." The Page Master guided Roxas to the portal within the vortex.

"That's me!" said Roxas. He saw himself at the bottom of the vortex, lying unconscious on the floor.

"Go," said the Page Master, "and remember, the adventure starts with the turn of a page!"

Roxas, Horror, Fantasy, and Adventure jumped into the vortex. Everything was spinning as they were transported back to the normal world. Suddenly Roxas found himself lying on the floor with three books and library card scattered at his side. He got up and picked up the card and books as the strange librarian appeared.

"I see that you found yourself some books," the librarian wrapped in red bandages said, "but you can only check out two." He was about to take the horror book from the stack in Roxas's arms.

"Oh, I promised to take all three of them," said Roxas, suddenly sounding very weird.

"Okay," said the librarian, "just this once."

"Thanks," said Roxas. With the books gathered in his arms, he ran for the exit.

The storm had cleared up when Roxas left the library. On his way home, he saw the ramps where Seifer's gang had teased him earlier. Feeling the urge, Roxas picked up speed on his skateboard and jumped the ramp. At the end of the jump, he rolled his skateboard with a sigh of relief. Another fear conquered.

Later that night, Roxas decided to just sleep in his new treehouse with the books at his side. However, as he slept, the books came to life as they did in the worlds of the pages.

"Can we have some light?" asked Adventure.

"No problem," said Fantasy, lighting the lantern with her wand.

"He actually took all three of us," said Horror, "this is awesome!"

"You know," said Adventure, "I really would like a kiss."

As the scene went dark, there was a smack of a kiss and Adventure gagged.

"Not from you!" he shouted. "I meant from her!"

_Complete!_

**

* * *

Note: **Yeah, it turned out very short, and it was rather dumb. Hey, someone had to make fun of the Page Master with the Kingdom Hearts cast. The characters fitted well with the places where I put them.


End file.
